i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
