Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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