Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
