I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
