you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
