Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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