Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
