So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
