On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
