There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
