can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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