we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
