I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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