I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
