went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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