i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
