it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
