I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
