I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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