..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
