it was like his penis was on wheels.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
