he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
