he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
sick fucks of a feather flock together
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
