When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
