u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.