i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
