Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass