Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
