We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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