I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
