She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
