i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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