wanna go halves on a baby?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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