Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
