Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
