our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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