I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
