I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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