Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
