It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
