Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
