I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
