We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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