and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
