As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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