you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
