trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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