Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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