My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
