When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ugly people sure do ruin things
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
