We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
