if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
