Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
