I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
