take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
