I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
