my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My feet surprised me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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