I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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