He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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