you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
