So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
