wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
