The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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