I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
