dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
