dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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