Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
