I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize