The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
