Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
