1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
