I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
