i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
