no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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