hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
