I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
