The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm passing your future prison.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
