I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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