well you can't waste a boner
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
