she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
