at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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