you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
