she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am one with the molecules
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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